Oh. Argh, eek – I haven’t posted for exactly 2 months! That’s a website so full of cobwebs someone might be tempted to hire it as a set for a horror film. So what on earth has been holding me back?
Actually does it matter? No, not really. I wasn’t ready then. I am now. I have given myself the necessary space for all my ideas to fall into a more useful combination. I have allowed myself the time and given myself permission to simply wait until I am ready to speak once more.
And the nice thing is, when I look back over my stuff I find I’m still pretty happy with what I have been saying. It simply lacked the structure that I hope to inject into this website over the next few weeks. You know, make it so visitors are clear about whether it’s for them or not, dust off the better ideas and shelve some others that haven’t quite got a place any more, tidy up that messy jumble of categories… sort of rearranging the furniture and dusting the alcoves. Necessary maintenance intended to make this the kind of space where people feel welcome and would like to come back and relax every now and then. Including me.
This may or may not take some time – I’m OK with that. If you’d rather sit back and wait a little longer, then feel free – maybe sign up for my newsletter so I can keep you informed of when it’s a good time to hop back on board. But do hang around if you feel inclined – I’d be honoured.
It seems to me that all this preparation stuff is meant to go on in the background. All the insecurities and worries and ‘not ready-ness’ are meant to be miraculously missing from a blog, but it also seems to me to be everything that this blog should be about.
I have had stunning moments of clarity and terrifying times of simple, abject fear. All of these are relevant. Bear with me on this.
What I have been wanting –trying – to say over the past two years is that it is simply enough to be yourself. What my experience keeps telling me is that this is all very well but the world tends to wade into this personal utopia with the explicit intention of tripping you up, catching you out or reminding you of exactly how far you still have to go. This experience has been terribly effective in stopping me getting any further, time and again.
The trick, it seems, is to stop believing you have to have it all sorted before you start.
So I’m not. I haven’t. Nor have you, I suspect.
Welcome aboard – let’s ride this one together and see where it goes.
‘Til next time, then. x