I’ve always been a little suspicious of those who say they ache to serve. Maybe it’s to do with the traditional understanding of the word in our culture, or a reaction to my ingrained urge to jump on demand and bend to the strongest will in the room… maybe not.
I’m not sure, but I know one thing: the more I heard that ‘service’ was the thing we should all be striving for, the worse I seemed to feel.
I felt that something was wrong with me as I pushed against the very thought of ‘service’. I felt a bit guilty thinking I’ve done my time, thank you very much, and now I want to be free and make my own decisions and do the things that give me joy.
I tried to want to serve. I tried to adjust my marketing to fit this apparent desire, but it just didn’t feel right.
‘Service’ is all so terribly worthy. Worse, it makes me feel less than worthy when the thought doesn’t give me the get up and go give my all to my clients every day. ‘To serve’ conjures up a little wet, sort of limp feeling that I cannot imagine could be of any use.
No, service doesn’t cut it. This does:
I have one of those significant birthdays coming up this year… the kind that makes you stop and take stock of where you are and how far you’ve come… or not.
Every now and then I go innocently out to do something simple and rewarding, like buy a book perhaps, and I gaily walk straight into a brick wall!
I may be building an independent business but the people I want to connect with are workers for others. I’ve had many years in the most eclectic range of jobs you can imagine. I can see the appeal of the workplace – the friendships, the camaraderie and a clear sense of where you sit in relationship to others.
Let’s face it, most of us spend a HUGE proportion of our waking hours at work, killing time between shifts, sneaking in a few emails before dinner, or travelling to and from our workplace. We make friends with our colleagues and work conversation drifts into our personal lives.
I have an awful lot on my plate this week, and I’ve been getting a little lost in all the different demands on my time and attention. I still get lost in a maze of self-recrimination when I can’t fulfil every obligation that comes my way.
My life is about to radically change.
