Tag Archives: space

Breaking the silence – a gentle re-introduction to me

Posted on October 29, 2012 | 2 Comments

Oh. Argh, eek – I haven’t posted for exactly 2 months!  That’s a website so full of cobwebs someone might be tempted to hire it as a set for a horror film.  So what on earth has been holding me back?

Actually does it matter?  No, not really.  I wasn’t ready then. I am now.  I have given myself the necessary space for all my ideas to fall into a more useful combination.  I have allowed myself the time and given myself permission to simply wait until I am ready to speak once more.

And the nice thing is, when I look back over my stuff I find I’m still pretty happy with what I have been saying.  It simply lacked the structure that I hope to inject into this website over the next few weeks.   You know, make it so visitors are clear about whether it’s for them or not, dust off the better ideas and shelve some others that haven’t quite got a place any more, tidy up that messy jumble of categories… sort of rearranging the furniture and dusting the alcoves.   Necessary maintenance intended to make this the kind of space where people feel welcome and would like to come back and relax every now and then.  Including me.

This may or may not take some time – I’m OK with that.  If you’d rather sit back and wait a little longer, then feel free – maybe sign up for my newsletter so I can keep you informed of when it’s a good time to hop back on board.  But do hang around if you feel inclined – I’d be honoured.

It seems to me that all this preparation stuff is meant to go on in the background.  All the insecurities and worries and ‘not ready-ness’ are meant to be miraculously missing from a blog, but it also seems to me to be everything that this blog should be about.

I have had stunning moments of clarity and terrifying times of simple, abject fear.  All of these are relevant.  Bear with me on this.

What I have been wanting –trying – to say over the past two years is that it is simply enough to be yourself.   What my experience keeps telling me is that this is all very well but the world tends to wade into this personal utopia with the explicit intention of tripping you up, catching you out or reminding you of exactly how far you still have to go.  This experience has been terribly effective in stopping me getting any further, time and again.

The trick, it seems, is to stop believing you have to have it all sorted before you start.

So I’m not.  I haven’t.  Nor have you, I suspect.

Welcome aboard – let’s ride this one together and see where it goes.

‘Til next time, then.  x

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The waiting game: what to do when it’s out of your hands

Posted on May 16, 2012 | 1 Comment

For months, I’ve been pushing and struggling to set the scene for my future, and right now I feel like things are coming together.  While they do, I’m playing a waiting game.

My body tells me I am tired. My head tells me I should do more. My heart (when I listen) tells me it’s all going to be ok.
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Posted in Making it happen, Riding The Wave

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Why I’m not looking for my ‘Life Purpose’ any more

Posted on February 15, 2012 | 2 Comments

Language matters.  Changing the words we use can change the emphasis and meaning of what we’re trying to say.  

As a conscious life changer, your language should be evolving as you do, as you change and grow your understanding of the world, who you are, and how you fit.   The way I see it, you need to spend some time with the words you use, listen to them and hear what they have to say.  Use them as you understand them; ditch them if they no longer fit.

So ‘Life Purpose’ is out

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Where ‘should’ meets ‘want’ – can you have both?

Posted on October 10, 2010 | Leave a comment

Sometimes expressing yourself is putting yourself before others; indulging in seemingly self-serving activities which bring in no money, eat up your time and place no food to the table.  They don’t, in other words, fulfil immediate needs for anyone other than yourself. 

 How could you? 

What right do you have to be looking out for yourself in this way when others need you?  That’s the feeling, right? 

I know that feeling.  My partner and I have a rather large financial goal to do up a house.  He contributes more money than I can at the moment, and also seems to be working more on the house itself than me.  I have chosen now, of all times, to pay for training and launch myself into a business.  Selfish?  Yes, I suppose it is, but I also know the price of ignoring my personal-growth needs, and that price is far higher than any financial outlay.

But while I follow my ‘selfish’ agenda, he feels he has to deny himself all that he wants in order to continue bringing the money in.  I want him to be happy too, so of course I should help him – that’s about compassion, caring and support.  But not, says the little point of determination in my gut, at any price.  Some prices are not worth paying.

This is a real and immediate dilemma for me.  I’m searching for the happy medium where I’m acting out of compassion, not out of guilt; where I’m working towards a goal, not running from an unwanted situation.  I have to face my selfishness head-on and decide what can give and what must not be overlooked.  

It is all too easy to dismiss our own needs to meet the agendas of others, especially when those others are certain that their way is the only way.   It’s all too easy to think of our needs as selfish ‘I wants’ because in our tentative searching we’re not as certain as others.   But there’s never only one way, just the only way that one person can see.

To my partner, the worst-case scenario is working for x amount of time and making no money.  To me, it is working for money alone, with no input into my personal, creative needs, when no element of my money-making activity feeeds me in any other way.  Actually, this way I can’t earn more than a pittance because all my interest, spark and inspiration is gone: dead in the water.  Who’s going to pay anyone like that?  Finding the right work for me is the way to a sustainable income that continues to hold my interest and fulfil my inner needs.  Win-win.  I won’t give up, I won’t run out of ideas, and I’ll never, ever resent him for holding me back.

The balance is there.  If you look inside you’ll know where the priorities lie; some will be about you, and some about those you care for.  From your priorities and values comes the way forward.  Coaching can speed up this process and keep you on track; otherwise make sure you write it down and paste it up somewhere you’ll be reminded every day why you’re doing what you do.

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Spreading yourself too thin?

Posted on September 7, 2010 | Leave a comment

Creativity needs space. 

The world demands a lot of us. 

It’s an ongoing challenge to find that exquisite balance where both are answered sufficiently for us to remain sane.  Usually we’ll find ourselves tipped in one direction or another.

Creative actions involve listening, not doing.  This may sound contradictory, because obviously a sculptor (for example) has to actually get materials and tools and do the work; and a writer has to spend hours typing, constructing and amending, but these people also have to listen.

Listening doesn’t necessarily have a single thing to do with your ears.  It is paying attention, receiving input, allowing it to settle in, before making intuitive moves to do something with what you have received.  Sculptors have to look, look and look again; look at the subject; look at the work.  Writers research, read other people’s work, observe the world around them, pay attention to how things work.  Both, and this is the key part of any creative undertaking, listen to themselves in order to create something new from what they have observed.

Doing, on the other hand, suggests a force of will.   You can’t force creativity, it comes in it’s own time.  It’s a process.  “There is no technology, no time saving device that can alter the rhythms of creative labor”  Lewis Hyde, ‘The Gift’ (my book of the moment!)

What happens, then, when we need to make money today?  When we have to feed, clothe and accommodate ourselves, and maybe others, the world steps in and makes demands that interfere with this space our creativity requires.  We make compromises, we commit ourselves to things that eat our time, attention and energy.  Then, when we have time, we forget how to use it because we’re used to having external forces direct our actions.

This is where you have to learn to listen to yourself as well as all the other voices clamouring for attention.  Your inner voice struggles to get itself heard, and the more you ignore it, or override it, the harder it becomes to tap into it when you actually choose to.  You get lost.  I call this spreading myself too thin.  I know when I’ve done it because I have not a single spare space in my diary and I feel thin: brittle, easily manipulated and lost.  There’s a lot less of me to go around.

Today, make a conscious choice to give your voice equal weight (at least!) to those others that want something of you.  When it demands a break, take a break and get back in touch with yourself.  Make you-time in your diary and do something that is totally, wholly yours and bring the spirit of you back to your next activity.  That’s creative, and productive.  It really is.

 p.s.  If you want a great tip for creatively answering ALL those voices – get Noreen Blanulet’s latest newsletter!

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